Section 1: Key Terms and Definitions | How to Process Loss and Grief
GUIDE NOTES: This mini guide – published as a blog series – is not a complete, concise work on everything pertaining to loss and grief. It is intended to be an introduction to support you in processing your pain. Its aim is to provide some structure to this vast and topic. I’ll attempt to simplify a complex genre of work, and demystify what may be puzzling you.
Every section features a related journaling/ reflection prompt. Some sections include exercises.
My advice is to work through the guide in chronological order, as each section builds upon the previous. Be sure to take your time; go at your own pace. Grief is heavy; it’s OK to put it down.
Grief, loss, bereavement and mourning. These terms are often used interchangeably but have their respective meanings.
You'll find many neat and succinct definitions for each of the terms. Here, I’ll be summarising some common points.
WHAT IS GRIEF?
Grief is a natural reaction to loss;
A concoction of all the emotions that we experience as a result of our loss;
The conflicting feelings when we encounter at the end of a familiar pattern or change in a way of living and being;
Grief is a reaction to all kinds of losses, not just death;
Grief can also be unrealised expectations, hopes and dreams – things that never came into fruition for us;
Grief is a highly unique and multidimensional experience, in that no two people grieve in the same way.
WHAT IS LOSS?
Loss is a state of lack or deprivation of something or someone we consider significant and meaningful to us.
This loss can be real or perceived.
We can experience it through lenses of the past, present or future as:
something or someone we may not have ever had;
something or someone we no longer have;
something or someone we may never have.
WHAT IS BEREAVEMENT?
Bereavement is being in a state of having suffered a loss of someone or something that was once physically alive or existing – a person, pet, animal, nature.
Bereavement, from a cultural perspective, is seen as a period of sorrow.
Bereavement is always associated with death.
We can be grieving but not bereaved. When we are bereaved, we also grieve.
WHAT IS MOURNING?
Mourning is the conscious or unconscious process of undoing psychological ties to the loss; learning to adapt to the loss; and leaning into living healthily in our new reality.
We can mourn death and non-death related circumstances.
EXAMPLES OF GRIEF AND LOSS
Personal loss and grief
Death and dying of a person, pet or animal, nature
Relocation - includes migration or immigration, moving home, town, city, country
Changing school, a club or community
Marriage
Parenthood
Illness (disability, chronic illness, limitations to function or mobility)
Medical procedure
Infertility, miscarriage or abortion
Incarceration
Major financial loss – this could include bankruptcy
Menopause
Ageing
Loss of material possessions, for example foreclosure or homelessness
The end of a relationship: romantic (such as estrangement, breakup, separation or divorce), friendship, with parents or our children
Natural or human-caused disasters, e.g. hurricanes, tsunamis, ear quakes, fires
Foster care and adoption
Cultural and historical trauma, for example loss of language, homeland and support structures
Violence-based trauma and loss such as war, genocide, suicide, murder, crime, and rape
Oppression such as racism, ageism, homophobia
Identity and sense of Self (i.e. we may question who we are after the loss)
Loss of world-view – this could include any meaning we associated with our faith, life direction and core beliefs
Status and role. e.g. change in social class, our role as a parent or adult child
Addiction, e.g. gambling, sex, drug abuse
Mental health diagnosis or challenges such as anxiety or depression
Disappearance or abandonment
Professional loss and grief
Career change
Promotion or demotion
Redundancy
Termination of employment or end of contract
Retirement
Death of a colleague
Colleague’s departure
Loss of professional license or credentialing
Transitions
Throughout life we experience many transitions. All changes come with some level of loss, but we may not always grieve that loss particularly in situations where there is a welcomed, positive change that we’re excited about.
Examples of life transitions include:
Being birthed from the womb into the world
Developing from a young child into teenhood and experiencing puberty
Going from the school world to the work world
Marriage or cohabiting (the bringing of two worlds together)
The transition from being child-free to parenthood
Having a career to retirement
Transitioning from childbearing to menopause
SECTION 1 – JOURNALING AND REFLECTION PROMPTS:
Take a moment to identify the losses you’ve experienced throughout your life. Some may be more poignant in your mind and body than others.
Remember that the biggest grief we’ll ever experience is our own. What might seem insignificant to someone else, may have had a huge impact on us, and vice versa. You don’t have to justify your grief to anyone.
How would I define my grief in three ways? How is each description similar and different?
Your descriptions could be technical and practical or figurative and abstract. You might use a rhetorical device such as a metaphor or simile or an analogy. Grief is very personal and intimate, so one person’s definition may differ from another’s. Our definitions may change from day to day, or year on year as we evolve through our journey.
Disclaimer: This post is intended to provide its readers with accessible educational information, tools and resources for grief work. It is not a substitute to professional support. The author believes information contained within this guide to be accurate, and is not responsible for any errors or omissions.